Flat-Out Love, стр. 16

Good luck with the family. Here’s a free tip: Matt is a geek.

Tell my girl that I’ll send pictures very soon. I’m not the tech nerd that my brother is, but I’ll do my best.


For some reason, Julie found it reassuring that Finn was as quirky as the rest of the family.


KNEW you’d like the new decor! Will search faithfully for coveted kitten poster.

Thanks for the help with the monsters. Worked like a charm. No other tips needed just yet. Your family is very nice. Took Flat Finn grocery shopping, and although I suspect he considered stealing a can of artichoke hearts, he restrained himself. He did, however, eat a handful of trail mix from the bulk bins, but everyone does that.

Yes, Matt is a bit geeky. He’s rather proud of that, huh?  I should get another free tip since that one was a no-brainer. And will there be a fee for others? I’m on a student budget. I could probably do with a Celeste tip. I’m rather unclear on the Flat Finn situation.

And I can’t resist asking: What’s up with your “Finn is God” Facebook name?



Finn must still be online because he replied right away.


No worries. House tips will come free of charge.

“Finn Is God” is my attempt to start a new religion. I’m working on a merchandise line now, because all good religions come with fashionable accessories. And I wanna be rich.



I’ll take a “Finn Is God” tote bag and a visor.


Chapter 9

Matthew Watkins Sometimes it is useful to know how large your zero is.” –Author Unknown.

Finn Is God In order for this status update to make any sense, I need you to assume I’m covered in some sort of spray-based cheese product.

Julie Seagle thinks that Twitter is like Facebook’s slutty cousin. It does everything dumb and whore-ish you’re too responsible to do

“What’s in this one?” Celeste asked.

“I have no idea. Open it up.” Julie handed Celeste the scissors and let her cut the tape off the cardboard box. Her room had quickly turned into a disaster area now that the rest of her things had arrived. She had her puffy comforter on the bed and one box of clothes put away.

Celeste opened the box flaps and peered in. “It appears that a beauty parlor has exploded in this box.”

“Ooooh, nice!” Julie clapped her hands and turned up the music. “Now, if we can just find the box with the shirt I want to wear tonight, I’ll be set.”

Dana had texted her earlier and demanded that Julie meet her at a dorm party that night. Jamie had promised he would come, too, and Dana was evidently unable to pick out an appropriate outfit without Julie’s divine fashion sense.

“Celeste, will you pull out the black bag in there for me? Pick out a nail polish color.” Julie walked across the bed and hopped to the floor, narrowly missing crashing into Flat Finn, and grabbed more hangers from the closet.

“You have too many colors in here to choose from,” Celeste said, as she pulled out nail polish bottles and set them in a row on the rug.

Julie held up a pale blue silky top. “I’m wearing this tonight, so pick something that will look nice with it.” She wondered briefly if it would be rude not to invite Matt to come with her, but the thought of showing up at her first—or any— Whitney party with him was not at the top of her list.

Celeste stared at the row of little bottles. “I’m not equipped to make this decision, Julie. I don’t want to choose the wrong one. Let me ask Flat Finn.”

“No, I want you to pick it out. There is no wrong one, silly.” Julie took the deep purple and the bright red and held them up. “Seductive, vampire bad girl versus traditional, hot, all-around sexy gal. There are no losers in this color game. Unless you just buy some stupid color like metallic green. Never do that. So, let the nail polish speak to you. You try one.”

Celeste nodded seriously and then examined a light pink bottle. “Whimsical, gentle, and tasteful. A classic?”

“Brilliant! Now give me your toes.” Julie sat down in front of Celeste and began applying the polish.

Celeste sat quietly, occasionally peeking at Flat Finn, who stood monitoring the pedicure. “It was her idea, not mine!” she quipped. “He is a bit unsettled by this. I’ve never had my nails painted.”

Julie turned around and glared at Flat Finn. “Every girl has a right to painted nails, so you better get settled quick, Flatty.”

Celeste giggled. “Oh, he didn’t like that name one bit.”

“Tough. OK, give me your fingers now. Different color or the same?”

“I have no idea.”

“Here, this one will be nice for you. It looks sort of orange in the bottle, but it’s a nice muted red when it’s on.”

Celeste gave Julie her hand. “I trust you. Although Flat Finn has his doubts because he thinks the color resembles tangerines.”

Julie grabbed a shirt from the nearest box and flung it at the figure, landing the shirt perfectly on the cardboard head. “There. Now grumpy boy doesn’t have to watch. This is girl stuff anyway.” Julie opened the bottle and started on Celeste’s fingers before she could protest. “So, it’s Saturday night. What are you doing?”

“Flat Finn and I are going to read All Creatures Great and Small.”

“Sounds like an outrageous evening. Hey, whose piano is that off the front hall? I haven’t heard anyone playing.” Julie looked at Celeste. “I mean, besides Flat Finn.”

“Oh. The piano. I used to play. Not anymore.”

“Got bored?”

“Not bored so much as disenchanted. What is your party going to be like?”

Julie shrugged. “Drunk boys, crying girls, loud music.” She smiled. “But it’ll be fun anyway.”

Celeste’s eyes widened. “What are you plans for the drunk boys?”

“I’m going to sit them down and give them a long lecture on the unappealing nature of overindulging in beer and Jell-O shots. Then, I’ll ground them and send them to bed. Alone.”

“That is not what I meant. How will you protect yourself?”

“I don’t need a plan. They’ll be harmless and mildly cute in a pathetically boozy way.”

“What if one of them wants to be your boyfriend? What will you do then?”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, anyway.” Julie blew across Celeste’s nails. “Don’t touch anything for at least fifteen minutes.”

“Why don’t you want a boyfriend?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I do. I’d just have to meet the right guy. Someone who isn’t ordinary. Someone who gets me. Someone I fit perfectly with. I want heat, chemistry, an undeniable connection. You know what I mean? I want it all. I’m done with ordinary and mediocre.”

“You believe in true love,” Celeste stated.

“Maybe. I don’t know yet.”

“So you think that you’re going to find true love at this party tonight?”


“Why are you going then?”

“For fun. To meet people and make friends. To be eighteen and silly. To escape the existential dreariness of the real world,” Julie added dramatically. She set her makeup in front of the floor-length mirror, knotted her hair on top of her head, and started putting on mascara. “Mostly to go flirt. I have to keep my skills honed because I might need them one day.”