Eclipse, стр. 18

“ARE YOU OKAY, JAKE? CHARLIE SAID YOU WERE HAVING a hard time. . . . Isn’t it getting any better?”

His warm hand curled around mine. “’S not so bad,” he said, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

He walked slowly back to the driftwood bench, staring at the rainbow-colored pebbles, and pulling me along at his side. I sat back down on our tree, but he sat on the wet, rocky ground rather than next to me. I wondered if it was so that he could hide his face more easily. He kept my hand.

I started babbling to fill the silence. “It’s been so long since I was here. I’ve probably missed a ton of things. How are Sam and Emily? And Embry? Did Quil —?”

I broke off mid-sentence, remembering that Jacob’s friend Quil had been a sensitive subject.

“Ah, Quil,” Jacob sighed.

So then it must have happened — Quil must have joined the pack.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

To my surprise, Jacob snorted. “Don’t say that to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Quil’s not looking for pity. Just the opposite — he’s jazzed. Totally thrilled.”

This made no sense to me. All the other wolves had been so depressed at the idea of their friend sharing their fate. “Huh?”

Jacob tilted his head back to look at me. He smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Quil thinks it’s the coolest thing that’s ever happened to him. Part of it is finally knowing what’s going on. And he’s excited to have his friends back — to be part of the ‘in crowd.’” Jacob snorted again. “Shouldn’t be surprised, I guess. It’s so Quil.”

“He likes it?”

“Honestly . . . most of them do,” Jacob admitted slowly. “There are definitely good sides to this — the speed, the freedom, the strength . . . the sense of — of family. . . . Sam and I are the only ones who ever felt really bitter. And Sam got past that a long time ago. So I’m the crybaby now.” Jacob laughed at himself.

There were so many things I wanted to know. “Why are you and Sam different? What happened to Sam anyway? What’s his problem?” The questions tumbled out without room to answer them, and Jacob laughed again.

“Is he ready to kill me?” Jacob asked with a grim smile, unconcerned by my anger.

“Not like you seem to be!” I realized I was yelling. “At least he can be a grown-up about this. He knows that hurting you would hurt me — and so he never would. You don’t seem to care about that at all!”

“Yeah, right,” Jacob muttered. “I’m sure he’s quite the pacifist.”

“Ugh!” I ripped my hand out of his and shoved his head away. Then I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms tightly around them.

I glared out toward the horizon, fuming.

Jacob was quiet for a few minutes. Finally, he got up off the ground and sat beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I shook it off.

“Sorry,” he said quietly. “I’ll try to behave myself.”

I didn’t answer.

“Do you still want to hear about Sam?” he offered.

I shrugged.

“That’s a long story.” I’d seen the long gash clearly, seen the blood that flowed into the sink. The rust-and-salt smell of it had almost pulled me under. It should have needed stitches. It should have taken days to scab over and then weeks to fade into the shiny pink scar that marked his skin now.

“I told you a long story. Besides, I’m not in any hurry to get back,” I said, and then I grimaced as I thought of the trouble I would be in. He screwed his mouth up into half a smile and thumped his fist once against his chest. “Werewolf, remember?”

He looked up at me swiftly, hearing the double edge in my words. “Will he be mad at you?” His eyes held mine for an immeasurable moment.

“Yes,” I admitted. “He really hates it when I do things he considers . . . risky.” “Right,” I finally said.

“Like hanging out with werewolves.” He laughed at my expression. “I told you this. You saw Paul’s scar.”

“Yeah.” I shook my head to clear it. “It’s a little different, seeing the action sequence firsthand.”

Jacob shrugged. “So don’t go back. I’ll sleep on the couch.” I kneeled down and dug the bleach out of the cabinet under the sink. Then I poured some on a dusting rag and started scrubbing the floor. The burning scent of the bleach cleared the last of the dizziness from my head.

“That’s a great idea,” I grumbled. “Because then he would come looking for me.” “Let me clean up,” Jacob said.

Jacob stiffened, and then smiled bleakly. “Would he?” “I got this. Throw that towel in the wash, will you?”

“If he was afraid I was hurt or something — probably.” When I was sure the floor smelled of nothing but bleach, I got up and rinsed the right side of the sink with bleach, too. Then I went to the laundry closet beside the pantry, and poured a cupful into the washing machine before starting it. Jacob watched me with a disapproving look on his face.

“My idea’s sounding better all the time.” “Do you have obsessive-compulsive disorder?” he asked when I was done.

“Please, Jake. That really bugs me.” Huh. Maybe. But at least I had a good excuse this time. “We’re a bit sensitive to blood around here. I’m sure you can understand that.”

“What does?” “Oh.” He wrinkled his nose again.

“Like I said, it’s a long story. And very . . . strange. There’re so many strange things about this new life. I haven’t had time to tell you the half of it. And this thing with Sam — well, I don’t know if I’ll even be able to explain it right.”

His words pricked my curiosity in spite of my irritation.

“I’m listening,” I said stiffly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the side of his face pull up in a smile.

“Sam had it so much harder than the rest of us. Because he was the first, and he was alone, and he didn’t have anyone to tell him what was happening. Sam’s grandfather died before he was born, and his father has never been around. There was no one there to recognize the signs. The first time it happened — the first time he phased — he thought he’d gone insane. It took him two weeks to calm down enough to change back.

“This was before you came to Forks, so you wouldn’t remember. Sam’s mother and Leah Clearwater had the forest rangers searching for him, the police. People thought there had been an accident or something. . . .”

“Leah?” I asked, surprised. Leah was Harry’s daughter. Hearing her name sent an automatic surge of pity through me. Harry Clearwater, Charlie’s life-long friend, had died of a heart attack this past spring.

His voice changed, became heavier. “Yeah. Leah and Sam were high school sweethearts. They started dating when she was just a freshman. She was frantic when he disappeared.”

“But he and Emily —”

“I’ll get to that — it’s part of the story,” he said. He inhaled slowly, and then exhaled in a gust.

I supposed it was silly for me to imagine that Sam had never loved anyone before Emily. Most people fall in and out of love many times in their lives. It was just that I’d seen Sam with Emily, and I couldn’t imagine him with someone else. The way he looked at her . . . well, it reminded me of a look I’d seen sometimes in Edward’s eyes — when he was looking at me.

“Sam came back,” Jacob said, “but he wouldn’t talk to anyone about where he’d been. Rumors flew — that he was up to no good, mostly. And then Sam happened to run in to Quil’s grandfather one afternoon when Old Quil Ateara came to visit Mrs. Uley. Sam shook his hand. Old Quil just about had a stroke.” Jacob paused to laugh.

“Why?”

Jacob put his hand on my cheek and pulled my face around to look at him — he was leaning toward me, his face was just a few inches away. His palm burned my skin, like he had a fever.

“Oh, right,” I said. It was uncomfortable, having my face so close to his with his hand hot against my skin. “Sam was running a temperature.”

Jacob laughed again. “Sam’s hand felt like he’d left it sitting on a hot stovetop.”

He was so close, I could feel his warm breath. I reached up casually, to take his hand away and free my face, but wound my fingers through his so that I wouldn’t hurt his feelings. He smiled and leaned back, undeceived by my attempt at nonchalance.

“So Mr. Ateara went straight to the other elders,” Jacob went on. “They were the only ones left who still knew, who remembered. Mr. Ateara, Billy, and Harry had actually seen their grandfathers make the change. When Old Quil told them, they met with Sam secretly and explained.

“It was easier when he understood — when he wasn’t alone anymore. They knew he wouldn’t be the only one affected by the Cullens’ return” — he pronounced the name with unconscious bitterness — “but no one else was old enough. So Sam waited for the rest of us to join him. . . .”

“The Cullens had no idea,” I said in a whisper. “They didn’t think that werewolves still existed here. They didn’t know that coming here would change you.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that it did.”

“Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

“You think I should be as forgiving as you are? We can’t all be saints and martyrs.”

“Grow up, Jacob.”

“I wish I could,” he murmured quietly.

I stared at him, trying to make sense of his response. “What?”

Jacob chuckled. “One of those many strange things I mentioned.”

“You . . . can’t . . . grow up?” I said blankly. “You’re what? Not . . . aging? Is that a joke?”

“Nope.” He popped his lips on the P.

I felt blood flood my face. Tears — tears of rage — filled my eyes. My teeth mashed together with an audible grinding sound.

“Bella? What did I say?”

I was on my feet again, my hands balled up into fists, my whole frame shaking.

“You. Are. Not. Aging,” I growled through my teeth.

Jacob tugged my arm gently, trying to make me sit. “None of us are. What’s wrong with you?”

“Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day!” I nearly shrieked, throwing my hands in the air. Some little part of me recognized that I was throwing a Charlie-esque fit, but that rational part was greatly overshadowed by the irrational part. “Damn it! What kind of world is this? Where’s the justice?”

“Take it easy, Bella.”

“Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is so unfair!”

“Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV.”