Figment, стр. 23

"It's the song the corpses were singing in the morgue."

"I know what it is." I raise my voice but control my temper. "Why are the Mushroomers singing it?"

"The same reason why the corpses were singing it." He winks. Now I am sure the song holds crucial information. Did he figure it out?

"Am I supposed to guess the reason now?" I ask impatiently.

Like a music conductor, the Pillar signals the Mushroomers to lower their chanting. He takes a few steps forward, holding the bars with his gloved hands. I wonder if he sleeps with that elegant blue and gold striped suit he wears. "You forgot to tell me the Cheshire paid you a visit," he says in a blaming tone. "Why did you do that, Alice?"

"I..." Stuttering isn't helping. I don't really know why I didn't tell him. "I think because I wasn't sure it really happened."

"That explains the random occurrence of events," The Pillar says. "All the clues he sent you were based on him trusting you would tell me he paid you a visit a week ago, the night the patient called the Muffin Man escaped the asylum."

"I don't understand."

"If you'd told me he paid you a visit, I'd have dug deeper behind the reason why." His tone is still blaming, but also calm and assured. "I'd have easily known from Dr. Truckle that the Muffin Man escaped the asylum that night."

"You knew the Muffin Man was a patient in the asylum?"

"No, I didn't." The Pillar laughs and abandons the bar, straightening up. "Anyway, now we know the Cheshire helped the Muffin Man escape the asylum. That's why he visited you."

"So he wasn't really here for me?"

"Of course, that was part of the plan. Helping the Muffin Man out to commit the crimes was his first priority, though."

"Are you saying it's not the Cheshire who committed these murders?"

"The Muffin Man!" the Mushroomers interrupt us.

"Who is he?" I grip the bars myself now, curious about the mysterious killer. "Why is he so important the Cheshire got him out? What's going on? Who is this Muffin Man?"

"I know who he is now." The Pillar pulls out a file with The Muffin Man written on it. It's his file at the asylum.

"You read it?"

He nods.

"And?"

"He is pretty terrifying, I have to say. He admitted himself to the asylum many years go. The asylum rejected him on the basis of 'no apparent insanity.' It's laughable. So he climbed up to the Queen of England's chamber and threatened her," the Pillar says.

"The Queen of England?"

"Yes, the only one who's allowed to drive without a driver's license or license plate." He rolls his eyes. I never knew that about the Queen of England before. "The Muffin Man managed to sneak up the Queen of England's chamber a few years ago and threaten to kill her. And voila, his wish is granted. He is finally admitted to the Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum."

"He threatened the Queen herself so they'd know he was mad?"

"It's pretty plausible," the Pillar says. "Who'd do something like that if he wasn't mad?"

"How old is the Muffin Man?"

"Mid forties," the Pillar says. "He's been in the asylum for some time, and no one ever complained about him."

"He must have wanted so badly to hide in an asylum. Why?"

"My humble guess is that he was running away from something," the Pillar says. "The real question is why he would prefer to stay locked in here over the real world outside."

"You're the one holding his file."

"There is nothing here more that what I just said." He hurls the file away. The Mushroomers collect the scattered pages behind him. "The file doesn't mention his real name." He stares sharply at me. "It's doesn't even mention an address, a next of kin, or what kind of conversation took place between him and the Queen, although she'd been his hostage for more than half an hour."

A few moments of silence drape on me. I need to re-evaluate the situation. "Why did the Cheshire help him escape, and why is he killing kids?"

"That sure escapes my caterpillar brain cells," he says. "But here's a good one. You know what the Muffin Man's answer was when he was asked where he was from?" He lowers his head a little and whispers, "Wonderland."

"This is truly puzzling now." I let go of the bars. "We need to know who he is so we can stop him from killing again."

"He isn't waiting for us, Alice. Another fat boy's head with a muffin stuffed inside was found in a dumpster yesterday." The Pillar purses his lips, playing his games with me.

"And what are we supposed to do now? We don't even know where the Muffin Man lives."

"That's not true." The Pillar winks.

"You just said he has no address in the file."

"Alice, Alice, Alice." He step backwards slowly and rolls his cane in the air. "Didn't we agree that Wonderland's puzzles aren't ever solved in earthly grounds?"

The Mushroomers begin hissing the rhyme again:

"Do you know the Muffin Man,

The Muffin Man, the Muffin Man,

Do you know the Muffin Man,

Who lives on Drury Lane?"

I listen to the chanting and want to kick myself in the head. How didn't I figure it out sooner? I near the cell again and say, "The Muffin Man lives on Drury Lane." I spell the name slowly, not knowing if it's a neighborhood, town, or city. I am not sure it even exists in our modern world. Most nursery rhymes are products of the Victorian era, about two centuries ago. "Where is Drury Lane?"

"London." The Pillar purses his lips. "The Cheshire's puzzles are really intricate."

"Don't tell me it's close to the morgue."

"Very close, and we need to get going now. Drury Lane is a culturally important place in the world," the Pillar says. "Shall we take the ambulance from yesterday or my limousine?" he ask the Mushroomers.

They prefer the ambulance because it makes a "woo-wee" noise.

"You're still keeping the ambulance? That's property of the health institution."

"I'm only borrowing it for the greater good. I'm sure the institution, and Parliament, won't mind." He carefully rubs his suit clean.

"Well, it won't be the first time we've broken the law since I've known you," I mumble, morally compromised.

"Knowing me is breaking the law, Alice." He smiles. "Funny how you never worried if I buried the corpse of the dead man you stole, instead of caring about the health institution."

Chapter 28

On the way to Drury Lane

The drive to London should take an hour and half. We're taking way longer than that.

The Pillar orders his chauffeur to stop at every junk food store we come across. Whether it's Dr. Nugget's Wingless Chickens, Banned Burgers, Pizza Pinge, Wacko's Tacos, DoNuts Bogus, or Muffit N Puffit, the recent American franchise that bought he rights to the Meow Muffins. Insanely, and for all the wrong reasons, smoking inside Muffit N Puffit is mandatory!

Each store we stop by, the Pillar enters it with his chauffeur, dressed as doctor and nurse. The chauffeur halts the ambulance sideways with a screech like a mad driver in a Need for Speed game. Then he intentionally parks the ambulance in spots reserved for handicapped drivers. Finally, they dash into the store.