Back To Back, стр. 31

“Oh,” he says. “You didn’t need to come down, though.”

“It’s okay. Stop saying that. I don’t regret it and I’m glad I was here.” He makes a frustrated sound as we start to taxi from the gate.

“Are you mad at me for coming?”

“No, no.” I’m not convinced.

“What was I supposed to do?” I’m trying to keep my voice low so no one can overhear us, but it’s not easy. Cash is busy with the blonde and it’s just Sylas and me. I glance around and find that everyone is occupied with their phones or magazines and isn’t paying attention to us. Good.

“You were so angry when I left. I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again.” What is he talking about? Sure, I was angry with him, but that didn’t mean I was going to cut him out of my life. And in the end, he did need me.

“Let’s not talk about this right now. We can talk when we get home. You must still be tired. Go to sleep and we’ll deal with it later.” He squeezes my hand and gives me a look before closing his eyes and leaning his head back. Moments later, his breath is slow and even and I can tell he’s asleep.

I keep our fingers wrapped around each other and try to join him in sleep.

Seventeen

I do end up getting a few moments of sleep until I’m jostled awake by the plane touching down. Sylas is out cold again and doesn’t wake until I shake his shoulder. His eyes fly open and he freaks out for a minute.

“We landed,” I say and he starts to calm down. I don’t know what he was dreaming of, but it wasn’t something good.

Things are a little weird as we get off the plane and exit the airport.

“Did you drive here, or…” I say. My car is parked in the garage, so I can drive us all if need be.

“No, we took a cab,” Cash says. I tell him I have my car, so we head to the parking garage. Sylas walks robotically with us. Cash automatically gets in the backseat so Sylas can sit next to me in the front.

“Do you want me to drop you off at your place?” I ask Cash as I get back on the highway and head toward the city.

“Sure.” He gives me the address and I punch it into my phone so the GPS can take me there. Even though I don’t need it. I already know where he lives, but I don’t say that.

I can’t handle the silence, so I turn on the radio. Of course, like it was waiting for me, “Take Me to Church” is the first song that comes on. I look for a reaction from Sylas out of the corner of my eye, but he’s staring out the window.

I sigh and just keep driving.

Cash gives me a hug when I drop him off. I get out of the car so I can talk with him for a moment without Sylas overhearing.

“He’s not in a good place right now. Just make sure you watch him. I don’t think he’s going to do anything, but just watch him.” I plan to.

“I will. And I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Good. Good.” He gives me another hug and I see a glimmer of his cheerful self come back.

“Turn that frown upside down,” I say, tapping him on the nose before I get back in the car. I hear him chuckle as I close the door and buckle my seatbelt.

Sylas is still not talking by the time we get back to my place, go up the stairs and through the door. I drop my bag and he drops his. Leo runs out and is losing his mind with meowing for Sylas to pick him up.

“Hey, little beast,” Sylas says, picking the cat up and rubbing his belly. Thank God. Sylas walks to the couch and sits down with Leo. At last, something he’s interacting with. Sylas is talking softly to Leo, who is eating up the attention. Figuring they’re okay, I hit the bathroom and then the kitchen. That massive breakfast was many hours ago, and the two cookies I ate on the plane were hardly sustenance.

I grab a smorgasbord of stuff that doesn’t require preparation and make up a huge plate. I also grab two glasses of water.

“Hungry?” I ask. He’s still playing with Leo.

“Not really,” he says, but I set the plate down and take a seat on the couch next to him, not crowding him.

“Sylas,” I say and he glances up at me.

“Yes?” He tenses up because he knows what’s coming.

“We need to talk about it.” He licks his lips and just keeps petting Leo.

“I know,” he says, so quietly that if I hadn’t seen his lips move, I might have imagined it.

“We don’t have to go through all of it, but you need to at least tell me what happened with you when you had your episode. You, really, really scared me.” I told him I’d be completely honest, and I’m going to stick to that. It’s becoming easier. Not as easy as lying used to be, but I’m getting there.

“I know. I’m so sorry. I… I know I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what, Sylas?”

“Everything.” I wait for him to elaborate and it takes a while. Slowly at first, and then his voice gets stronger.

“When I saw him, it was like I was back in that day. In the house. When I found her body on the floor. Her hair was so bright and the blood had stained it. I remember wanting to wash the blood out of her hair.” A chill starts at the top of my spine and creeps all the way down. Listening to Sylas isn’t going to be easy, but he needs to tell someone and I want that someone to be me.

He’s staring at a spot above my shoulder as he continues.

“Her eyes were so… empty. She wasn’t there anymore. She was gone. That was the hardest part. Knowing she was gone and never coming back. I was just so glad it was me who found her and not Lizzy. I never would have been able to live with myself if it had been her.” The very idea of sweet Lizzy seeing that makes me want to vomit.

“And then there was the fire and I was only able to save a few things. Some pictures and, for some reason, our coffee table.” The coffee table? I remember seeing the one in his apartment that looked like it had been burned. Oh.

“When I saw him, all I could remember was that day and I just… I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was far away, floating and watching my body in the car. I can’t describe it any way other than that. I’ve never felt that way before. I was so scared, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t move, couldn’t talk, couldn’t get myself out of it. I could hear you and Cash and I tried, but my body wouldn’t let me.

“I couldn’t even think about killing him. I had the gun with the silencer all ready. I was going to take him out and drive away and never give him another thought. Killing him was supposed to get him out of my head.” It’s not that simple. If it were, then there would be a lot more vigilante justice in the world.

He shakes his head back and forth, like he’s trying to shake his thoughts out. Reaching for me, he takes my hands.

“I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much, Saige, and I never want to put you through that again. I want to be what you need. I don’t want to drag you down with me.” He’s not dragging me anywhere I’m not willing to go, but he won’t believe me when I tell him that.

“I wish I had never taken this job. Never met you. I wish I could take it back.” I think he’s going to break down again, but he doesn’t. He bites his bottom lip between his teeth and I can see how much he’s struggling.

“I don’t regret it. I know you don’t believe in fate, but I do. We were meant to find one another, Sylas and I need you to know I’m in. I’m all in for the long haul. Whatever that looks like for us. We’re never going to be the traditional couple, that’s for sure. We’re not white picket fence people. But I think we make each other happy, and we’ll find our own way to live happily ever after.” I know I sound sappy, but I don’t give a shit. I have to lay this all out and have him hear me.

“You…” he says, but he can’t continue. He pulls me into his arms and Leo protests between us and jumps to the floor.