Tainted Black, стр. 63

That night, I was sure Theo’s peace with her death had changed. He didn’t know his wife like he thought he did. Hell, he hardly got to spend much time with her because she was always working, and by “working” I meant messing around with Sterling.

I held Theo that night, and as my tears dampened his T-shirt, I only had one thought in mind, a thought that cut me so deep and gutted me so much I felt like I was suffocating.

He was right about the guilt I would feel if Izzy ever found out about us—how it would eat me alive if I even dared to continue what I had with him. My heart still beat, but it was aching. My soul had been shattered and crushed. I had no desire to smile, no desire to be happy or to feel complete.

I’d lost my only friend—my sister.

I’d lost her.

Forever.

There was always the question of what it would be like if she ever found out, but now that she had, everything I knew about myself seemed so meaningless. If she were to forgive me, it would never be the same between us. A permanent awkwardness would surround us whenever we were together, pushing us further apart and making it that much harder to be happy.

My body racked, the sobs blending in with the wind that passed me by. I sobbed because I would never see Izzy again. I cried because, after that night, I would be someone else—someone without a partner in crime or with calls and texts to look forward to.

But I wept most because, after that night, I was never going to hold Theo like this again.

TWENTY-FOUR

The world I had restored after three lonely years came crashing down again. And this time, it was really, really fucked up.

My baby girl… my daughter. I couldn’t believe myself. After raising her to be the woman she’d become, showing her the ropes in life, and teaching her the basics of how to survive in this crazy world, I’d sent her running away from me. I broke my baby’s heart—actually I’d broken two hearts.

Her trust in me? Gone.

My Isabelle…

It’s sad to think that I never thought I would get to that point—of her finding out about Chloe and me. I wanted her to stay oblivious to it. I wanted to keep my daughter in my life but also keep my little knight in shining armor.

Who was I kidding? I knew I couldn’t have both—that I couldn’t keep going on with Chloe like I did. Her words… they broke the little that was left of my heart, and when she spewed her anger at Chloe, I felt fucking terrible.

It wasn’t her fault.

It was mine. I never should have touched her. I never should have relied on her to take care of me. I was a grown man. I shouldn’t have needed saving by someone that hardly even knew better. I shouldn’t have expected her to come running, picking up all my damaged pieces and restoring them.

But I did. I didn’t regret it, though. As horrible as I felt, I didn’t regret what Chloe and I created. I would never regret someone that made me feel alive again when I thought it would be damn near impossible to. I loved that girl—I loved her more than life itself, but I loved my daughter unconditionally. More that I can put into words.

I loved Janet dearly, but after finding out she’d lied to me, I went blank. She cheated on me, something I never would have done to her. She hardly knew that kid. She’d known me for fifteen years of her life, but risked putting our relationship on the line for a kid that most likely considered her a good, easy lay.

Chloe said he loved her, but I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe it because he didn’t love Janet the way I did. Wholly. Fiercely. Passionately. Undeniably. Fuck, I couldn’t believe I’d spent so many years with her, and in the end, it turned out she wasn’t happy with me.

Where did I go wrong?

What did I do?

Did I not love hard enough?

Did I forget a birthday or anniversary?

Did I not show her enough attention?

I blinked my tears away as I walked onto Dirty Black, cranking her up and sailing across the sea. Chloe sat on the bench in the corner with her arms wrapped around her, her line of sight nowhere near mine. She focused on the ocean. She hadn’t said a thing since leaving the condo.

My heart broke for her. I couldn’t imagine how she felt. I thought surely I would be able to protect her from ever getting caught—from ever ruining her relationship with my daughter.

I was wrong.

I guess I couldn’t do everything.

I was no Superman.

I was the Joker, playing tricks with her mind and body, bringing her deeper into a game that both we knew wouldn’t end fairly.

Stopping the boat, I went for the anchor and dropped it in the water, then turned around, getting an eyeful of Chloe. Fuck, she was hurt. Her face was pale, her body shivering as if she were freezing. But she wasn’t shaking from the wind. She was shaking because she was crying.

I walked her way, silently reaching for her hand. She looked up as I kissed the back of it. Then I brought her to a stand. She looked away, but she stayed close. “I’ll talk to Izzy,” I murmured. “She can’t be angry forever.”

“With you,” she mumbled. “You’re her dad. She can’t be angry with you forever. But with me… she can.” She sighed, dropping her head. “Theo, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Izzy. There were plenty of times when I wanted to give up on you—us—but I didn’t because I was torn. I love you… and I love her. But… I should have known this would happen. Look at us,” she whispered. “We don’t belong together. It may feel like we do, but we don’t.”

“What makes you think we don’t belong together?”

“Because, if we were really put on this earth to be together, Izzy wouldn’t have turned out to be my best friend of ten years, and you wouldn’t be her dad. There would be nothing to tie us. No one should have to get hurt because two people love each other.”

Her eyes were glossy when she looked up at me again. She didn’t blink; she just watched my eyes until a tear slid down her cheek. I swiped it away with my thumb. The question I wanted to ask hurt. It made my heart pound, but not in a good way. I didn’t want to ask, but I also didn’t want to be selfish. She deserved better. Ten times better than me.

“So what do we do from here, Chloe?”

Her mouth sealed tight as she placed her arms around me. Her lips pressed on the sliver of skin revealed above my chest. Next, my neck. She pushed against me until I stepped back, landing in the captain’s seat again.

Straddling my lap, she grabbed the hem of her shirt and tossed it. Then she reached for mine, pulling it over my head. Her eyes drifted down my bare chest and arms. She studied the tattoos carefully, and then she brought those beautiful hazel eyes back up when found the black tribal wave below my left collarbone. She leaned forward and pressed her smooth lips on top of it. Something about that created an ache within me.

I felt empty.

Hollow.

Like I was slowly losing my grasp on her.

Sliding off my lap, she bent over and unbuttoned my jeans. She slid them down to my ankles and did the same with my briefs. Her perfect mouth circled the head of my cock, and she filled her mouth, gagging only slightly, causing a deep groan to fill the air.

“Chloe—wait, let me—”

“No, Theo,” she whispered, pressing her hand to my chest and forcing me back. “No. Let’s make this one count. Okay?”

She didn’t give me time to answer. Her mouth wrapped around me again, her tongue gliding down my shaft in the same amount of time. I watched her, and my eyes pricked with heat when I realized what was happening.

She didn’t have to say it.

I already knew.