In the Shadow of the Crown, стр. 50

He was almost boyish in his enthusiasm. Perhaps that was at the root of his charm. He seemed to be saying, “I did this…I murdered my wives… I have caused grievous suffering to monks…I have killed those who were my best servants…Wolsey…Sir Thomas More…Fisher… but I am only a boy really. My heart is warm and loving, and those barbarous acts… well, they were for the good of the country.”

And they seemed to believe him. I half did so myself.

And while he was making a show of mourning for Jane, he was looking for her successor.

He would regard me cryptically. Twenty-two years of age. That was mature for a princess…or should I say a king's daughter, for he would not allow me that title.

I had my household now. I was comfortable. But I did often feel a longing for children. There was Elizabeth. I could have wished she was my daughter; and there was now Edward. What would I have given for such a boy!

And here I was—a spinster, a virgin, to wither on the branch, unloved, unfulfillled—and all because I was branded with the taint of illegitimacy.

But it was a good life compared with what I had known. I had good friends; my servants were loyal to me; they were more than servants; they cared for me; they all believed that I should be proclaimed princess. I was never frivolous. I tried to lead a good life. They all knew I was deeply religious because I was my mother's daughter. My house was open to all the needy. We never turned any away. I had my income from the Court, and a great deal of it was spent on charity. I liked to walk about three miles a day, and it was pleasant to be able to go where I chose; and I always had pennies in my purse to give to those who, I thought, needed it.

The people were fond of me. They always called a loyal greeting when I passed.

I had my books, my music and now beautiful garments to wear. I was well educated. I could talk to any diplomats who came to Court. I was a good musician—excellent with the lute and the virginals.

But I was a woman, and I felt that I was missing the greatest blessing in life. I wanted a child.

Yet the days continued pleasant. I lived the life of a royal person in my own household. My father had even sent me a fool. She had always been a favorite of his. In fact, I think Will Somers was a little jealous of her. It was rare to have a woman as a fool, but Jane was good. Her very appearance set one laughing before she came out with her merry quips. She would dress exactly like a court lady but her hair was shaved off, and the result was ludicrous. She could sing well, and she had a repertoire of comic songs and a host of tricks with which to divert us. Evenings with Jane the Fool amused us all and were very welcome indeed.

So there was little of which to complain, but I wanted the normal life the poorest woman might expect—that I should be allowed to justify my purpose and help replenish the Earth.

There had been one or two propositions. My father would never have let me go abroad before the birth of Edward. That would be asking for some ambitious man, married to the daughter of the King of England, to set about claiming the throne. But now there was a male heir perhaps it would be different.

There were feelers from both France and the Hapsburgs… each eager to form an alliance against the other. There was Charles of Orleans, the son of Francois, King of France, and Dom Luiz, the Infante of Portugal, who was put forward by the Emperor.

For a few weeks I lived in a state of excitement. I was assured that either of these gentlemen would make a perfect husband. They were both handsome, charming princes. It was just a matter of which it should be.

Then came the stumbling block which had not, as I had hoped it would be, been removed because of the favor my father was showing me.

The King of France intimated that there was no one he would rather have for his son than myself. Yet there was the stain of illegitimacy. If that could be removed … well, then he would welcome none with the same ardour which he would bestow on me.

It was the same with the Portuguese. Yes, the match would be very desirable but there was, of course, this little matter.

The King was furious. He would not give way. To do so would be to undermine the supremacy of the Church—a matter which was already causing him a great deal of trouble.

So these matches were abandoned.

There was a certain rumor which gave me pleasure. I remembered how my mother, since I could not marry the Emperor Charles, had expressed a desire that I should marry Reginald Pole.

In the quietness of my room I talked with Susan Clarencieux, who had become one of my dearest friends. I could talk to her of my dreams and aspirations more openly than anyone else.

She understood my desire for marriage.

She said, “I saw your fondness for the little Elizabeth, although for a while you seemed to fight against it.”

“I hated her mother. She ruined mine. And I am afraid at first I passed my hatred on to the child. That is something one should never do…to blame the children for their parents' sins of which they are entirely innocent. It was cruel and wicked.”

“And the young Elizabeth is such an enchanting creature.”

“I often wonder what will become of her. I fear she will take everything she wishes or, failing to, bring herself to some terrible end.”

“I have a feeling that she will somehow survive.”

“Her position is even worse than mine. The King at least acknowledges me. Sometimes I think he tries to tell himself that she is not his daughter.”

“Could he look at her and doubt it?”

“Perhaps that is why he does not wish to look at her.”

“I have heard certain rumors lately. I believe that at one time you were very fond of him.”

“Of whom do you speak?”

“Of Reginald Pole.”

“Oh.” I was smiling. Memories were coming back. How young I had been, and he had seemed so wonderful…so much older than I was…so much wiser… and yet I had loved him and believed he loved me.

“What did they say of him?” I asked.

“That he has only taken deacon's orders… not those of a priest…so that, when the time comes…he will not be debarred from taking a wife. You and he could be married.”

“Do you think there is any truth in this?”

“It is what some people would like.”

“You mean… those whom the King would call his enemies?”

“Yes.”

“But Reginald is a cardinal now.”

“He remains free to marry.”

“Oh, Susan, I wonder if it could ever be…”

She lifted her shoulders. “The King hates him now, you know. He regards him as an enemy who can do him a great deal of harm on the Continent.”

“Yes, I do know. Oh, Susan, why are things never as they should be?”

She smiled at me fondly. “You would welcome a marriage with him,” she said, more as a statement than a question.

I nodded. “It would be suitable in every way. He is a Plantagenet. Our rival houses would be joined. Besides, I know him well.”

“It is long since you saw him.”

“But he is not a man to change. Susan, there is no one I should rather have for my husband.”

And so we talked.

But I was no nearer to marriage for all that. Sometimes I thought I never should be.

EVER SINCE THE DEATH OF JANE, MY FATHER HAD BEEN looking for a new bride. He was obsessed by the idea. Why he did not take a mistress, I cannot imagine. There might have been several prepared to accept that honor. But marriage? Any woman would look askance at that. The whole world knew what had happened to his first two wives. And the third? Had she escaped a similar fate by dying?

He had his eyes on several women at the French Court. The Duke of Guise had three daughters, Francois Premier one. All were eligible. My father wrote enthusiastically to Francois. Perhaps the ladies could be sent to England and he would promise to choose one of them to be the next Queen of England.