Shiver : 13 Sexy Tales of Humor and Horror, стр. 7

Body slumping, I slowly walk over to him till we’re almost toe-to-toe. I look up into his bright green eyes and reach up to cup his cheek. “No. I don’t think so. But you’re going to tell me why I shouldn’t have to, right?”

His eyes close, he lifts his hand to hold mine in place on his cheek and responds roughly, “Whatever you want, baby.”

Taking his hand in mine, I lead us over to the sofa. He sits and pulls me down with him. Sprawled over his lap, I turn to the side so I can look at his face while he speaks. “I never planned on meeting a girl. It was too hard what with my… condition. I didn’t count on meeting you.” He kisses my knuckles. “I don’t know any other woman who would be completely fine with not being able to see her boyfriend during the day. I’ve dated before. They all thought I was cheating on them. I couldn’t tell them I had to sleep. As in, had to. They’d think I was a freak. But you just accepted it, like it was nothing.”

I’m confused. “Does your family know?”

He smiles. “Yeah, Em. They’re like me too.” His smile turns to a grin. “We all got turned on the same night.”

My mouth gapes. “No way. They all look so nor-” I spot the ginormous grin on his face and fade out. “What I mean to say is that I never would’ve been able to te-”

His rough chuckle slides over me. “Go on, you can say it. We all look so normal.” He nods, “We know. That’s kind of the point.”

Holy shit.

Holy shit!

This is real. I have a real live vampire in my house.

Oh my God. I’ve been having sex with a vampire!

Is that why it’s been so good?

I have to dig further. “Whoa, wait! Do you have some sexual voodoo going on? Is that why the sex is so good? Because, if so, I’m not complaining.”

He tips his head back and laughs. “No, Em. That’s just you and me. Believe me, I wish I could take credit. It’s just what you do to me.”

A smile plays at my lips. “So what of the stories? Are they fact or myth? Super speed is obviously a tick but what about the other stuff. I didn’t know you could do the Spider-Man thing.”

He sighs softly. “A lot of the stories aren’t true. In fact, it’s been rumoured that vampires started the stories to throw people off. As you know, I have a reflection. Holy water is just water to me. Hell, I’m catholic. I’m not evil. I eat and drink but don’t actually go to the toilet. I-”

I cut him off in protest, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! What the heck do you do in the bathroom when you go in there? Sometimes you take forever!”

He grins sheepishly. “Um. Candy Crush.”

A surprised laugh bursts out of me. “Oh my God, that is funny!” I chuckle to myself and prompt him. “Okay, sorry. Tell me more.”

“Yes, we have super speed. I can walk up walls but that is a trait only I have. Mom can move things with her mind. Dad can fly.” Holy cow! “We have extremely sensitive hearing and-”

My stomach coils as my eyes almost pop out of my head. I jump up off the sofa and cover my mouth with my hand. “Oh no.”

A look of alarm crosses Bastien’s face. “What is it, Em?”

“Have you-” Oh God, I don’t want to ask but I have to know. I just have to! I whisper in horror, “Have you ever heard me fart?”

He winces.

I gasp as my face heats. “Oh my God, you have. This isn’t happening!”

Bastien has the gall the smile. “Honey, you just found out I’m a vampire. And this is your main concern?”

I sit on the edge of the sofa, face drawn. I talk to myself. “I’m no longer the perfect wife. Perfect wives don’t fart.”

He takes my hand in his. “You are, Em. You are perfect to me.”

I am so sad right now.

This is my life, people.

Bastien suddenly stands. “You want me to fart? ‘Cause I’ll do it. Right here, right now. I’ll tear a goddamn hole in my slacks if you want me to, princess!”

I mumble a flat, “I’ve never heard you fart.” A thoughtful look crosses my face. “Can you fart?”

He tilts his head in thought. “I don’t even know. I think dust might come out of me.”

Damn him. Damn him to heck for his funniness.

I try to hide my smile but fail miserably. “You’re a dork.”

I don’t even see him move but I’m suddenly lifted high in the air. Geez, he’s strong. He smiles up at me. “So, we’re okay?”

My smile is soft and loving. “I love you, Bastien. It’ll take a little more than you being a vampire to change that.”

He lowers me back to my feet. His lips come down on mine, feather soft. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m going to love you till forever.”

I wrap my arms around his neck. “I love you. We were meant to be. Forever and always.”

He pulls me to him, his arms wrapping me tight. Warmth spreads through me and I realise something.

Everything was going to be fine.

Lights Out

by Jodie Beau

Part One — Cora

Friday, October 31, 2014

7:03 A.M.

“Would you like to come in for some coffee?” he asks, waving an open hand toward his front door in a welcoming gesture.

If coffee is a euphemism for being fucked until I can’t remember my own name, then yes, I’d love some. Thank you.

As if reading my mind, he wastes no time on awkward, neighborly small talk. He pushes me through the front door of his home, and has his lips on mine before the door closes behind us. He tastes like cherry Kool-Aid, just the way I remember.

Without taking his lips off mine, he waves his arm behind us, and sweeps the contents of his dining room table onto the floor. I hear glass break as a candle holder hits the hardwood. Pieces of mail flutter to the floor behind it.

I’ve never seen that move done in real life — definitely not in my life. No one has ever wanted me enough to make a huge mess in his own house. I can’t help but wonder who is going to clean it up. Maybe he hires a maid service.

He gets a good grip on my ass, lifts me up, and nearly slams me onto the table.

I stop thinking about the mess.

“I like this aggression,” I say, trying out my best sexy voice and hoping I pull it off. It’s been a long time.

With his hands on my shoulders, he pushes me down onto the table. It’s a heavy wooden table, the kind I imagine Beauty and The Beast having in their castle.

In another act I’ve never seen outside of internet porn, he grabs hold of my white button-up shirt at my chest, pulls it up until my back arches, and then rips it open. The pearlescent white buttons sound like raindrops as they hit the table around us.

It’s okay. I can live without the shirt. It was just a boring button-up from Target. It wasn’t even that white anymore. I have the worst time keeping my whites bright.

He leans over me and bites my neck — not vampire style, just a tiny bite — as his hands creep up my black pencil skirt.

He stands up again and raises my legs straight up in the air until my ankles rest on his shoulder. I feel the stretch burn behind my knees, but I don’t mind the pain. He digs his fingers under the waistband of my pink lace panties and starts to remove them. For a moment I wonder if he’s taking the aggression a little too far for our first time. But then I realize I don’t care. I just want him. I’ve been waiting for this since I was fifteen-years-old. If my body has to take a little beating, I’m okay with it — as long as my G-spot gets one, too.