Into the Deep, стр. 54

“You can’t sleep, can you?” Claudia’s voice surprised me.

Startled, I turned to her. “Apparently you can’t, either.”

“It’s because you’re thinking so loud.”

I grimaced. “I can’t help it.”

My friend flipped onto her side, tucking her hands beneath her pillow. “Do you want me to take your mind off it?”

“Uh, yes, please.”

Claudia’s expression was serious as she replied, “My mom called while you were taking a shower.”

Sensing something big, I twisted around onto my side to face her so she’d know she had my full attention. “What did she say?”

“She told me my real father’s name. She tracked him down for me.”

I raised an eyebrow. “She did? Wow.”

Claudia nodded, her mouth twisted in a little moue. “Apparently she’s more of a human that I thought. It’s the Botox—it confuses things. Anyway, his name is Dustin Tweedie.”

I blinked. “I know that name. Why do I know that name?”

“Because he was a pretty famous artist but he retired ten years ago. Google him. His art was weird but rich people buy weird shit. I would know. I live with two of them.”

It took a lot of self-restraint not to pick up my phone and put his name into Google. “Do you know anything else about him?”

“Just that he was brought up in England. Mom found out that he’s still a bachelor and he lives in Barcelona now.”

“My God, Claud. Are you okay?”

Her shoulder moved up to her ear. “I don’t know. I’m thinking I should just forget about him. Move on. He doesn’t know I exist and he lives in freaking Barcelona, so … it’s stupid to … I don’t even …”

Hearing her confusion and the crack in her voice, I slipped out from under my covers and darted across the room to her bed, my feet protesting against the icy cold floor. Claudia shimmied back, holding her duvet up, and I slipped in beside her. We faced each other and I reached for her hand. “Take your time thinking about what you want to do. Just know it’s not stupid if you’re thinking about reaching out to him. We’d all think about it if we were in your shoes.”

She nodded, biting on her lip, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I’m just tired of feeling like I’m constantly looking for something I never had. I’m not a kid anymore, Charley. I need to grow up and just accept what hand I’ve been dealt.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Never accept what hand you’ve been dealt if it’s not the hand you wanted. You deserve more than that. You deserve to win. Put all the other crap out of your head and just think about what you want.”

Her grip on my hand tightened so much, it was almost painful.

“Did you tell Beck?”

She shook her head. “He gets really mad about the whole thing—”

Because the idiot is in love with you!

“—and I didn’t want to turn the evening bad. He’s in a really good mood.”

“Are you two still … platonic?” I asked carefully.

“Oh no,” she shook her head, “you’re not getting to play matchmaker just because you and Jake are on your way to sorting your shit out. No, no, no.”

I laughed softly. “I just want you to be happy.”

Claudia made a face and replied airily, “I’m always happy.”

I squeezed her hand and whispered, “Not fake happy. Real happy.”

“You know what,” she whispered back, “I’m not unhappy. I’ve got you and I’ve got Jim and Delia Mom and Andie, and yes, Beck and I may be completely dysfunctional, but I have him too. And maybe one day I’ll have my own Jake. I’m not unhappy, Charley. I’m just trying to be hopeful and hoping that being hopeful doesn’t make me a child.”

“You’re not a child, Claud. You’re just human.”

We snuggled close to each other, our heads resting against one another. “It’s been some trip, huh?” she teased.

In answer I started to laugh until Claudia was giggling uncontrollably, our hilarity muffled by our pillows so we wouldn’t wake our friends.

Truth be told, I felt like I was going on my very first date.

By some miracle, I’d gotten through the rest of our trip in Fort William. Honestly, because we weren’t there to climb hills or do anything remotely relevant to the location, and because we didn’t have a car so we could check out the surrounding areas, we were pretty bored by the end of our stay, ready to get back to the city. Me more so than anyone.

I’d gone back and forth, back and forth on my feelings until I realized that every time I even thought about picking up the phone to call Jake and tell him I’d made a mistake, my chest burned with denial. I was doing this. I had to suck it up and accept my decision.

Once I’d gotten that through my thick head, I was pretty excited about getting back to him. Yes, I was nervous, and yes, I had no idea what our future held, but that would be the same in any relationship.

We got back to Edinburgh around five o’ clock. Lowe walked at my side as we ambled back to our apartments and as soon as we hit the Royal Mile, he grinned at me.

“What?” I frowned up at him.

“You. You’re a bundle of energy. You’re dying to get back to him.”

“Am not,” I grumbled petulantly.

Lowe laughed. “You are too. Did I tell you Jake Caplin is the luckiest son of a bitch I’ve ever met?”

“What am I now? Your soundboard for smooth talking? If I am, I’m giving you two big thumbs up on that one.”

Chuckling, Lowe threw his arm around my shoulders. “So fucking cute.”

I frowned. “You’re going to keep calling me that because you know I hate it, right?”

“Oh yeah.”

Despite growling at him in irritation, underneath the snarl I felt easier and more assured that Lowe was acting cool. We hadn’t talked much the last two days and I was worried that I might’ve wrecked our friendship. There was no need to worry. With Lowe, what you saw, you got, and he meant it when he said he was rooting for me.

Claudia, Denver, Rowena, and I said goodbye to the guys on the Cowgate, my eyes darting up to their building before I hurried to follow my friends back to ours. I did not expect to be greeted by a wide-eyed Maggie as Claud and I strolled into the kitchen.

“Well, is it true?” Maggie asked, excitedly shoving the papers in front of her to the side. “Did Jake Caplin break up with Melissa Bouchard for you?”

I blinked rapidly, feeling the color leave my cheeks. How had news traveled that quickly?

“Oh my God, he did?” If it was possible her eyes widened even more. “Gemma is not going to be happy. You know she and Melissa are friends, right?”

Actually, I didn’t know that. Fabulous. Now I’d have to live with Gemma giving me dirty looks for the next four months. Blowing the breath out between my lips, I made a sad face at Claudia. “I need a drink.”

Claudia tried not to laugh at my uncharacteristic pout and failed. “I think we have vodka somewhere.”

“That’ll do it.”

The buzz from my two shots of vodka had worn off, which was probably why I was a nervous wreck by the time nine o’clock came along. It turned out that everyone was meeting at Milk because the guys were doing a set.

I followed Claudia past the bar toward the archway at the end of the room and shook out my hands, trying to fight off the churning in my stomach. I was not a nervous person by nature and I really hated it that Jake could get me into such a state.

However, as soon as our eyes met across the room, the nerves transformed into excited butterflies and Claudia smiled at me. We made our way through the cluttered room, dodging chairs and rounding tables, and the whole time my eyes never left Jake’s. He stood when he saw us, and Denver, the only member of The Stolen not onstage setting up, followed his gaze at the same time Rowena did.

Everything and everyone but Jake disappeared as he moved around the table and came to a stop inches before me. I leaned back and gave him my best cocky smile. “So you’re the mysterious guy I’m supposed to be meeting,” I said, in reminiscence of the first thing he’d ever said to me.