Down London Road, стр. 75

Cam sighed heavily, his fingers brushing through my hair. ‘I’ve been through hell and back in the last few days, Jo. Just let me hold you.’

Tears pricked my eyes. ‘I know you didn’t sleep with her.’

‘It looked bad, though, and you weren’t in any state to think anything else but the obvious.’

My fist clenched, curling into a tight ball. I hadn’t even realized I’d done it until Cam pushed his fingers against mine, forcing me to relax my hand. His thumb rubbed soothingly over my palm where my nails had bitten into the skin. ‘I’m almost afraid to ask this, but … why was she there?’

I felt his hesitation and my heart automatically lodged a complaint with a bang, bang, bang against my chest. ‘Cam?’

He turned his head and pressed his mouth against my forehead, breathing me in. When he pulled back, he replied softly, ‘She turned up late at the flat, distraught and a bit drunk. I let her in. She threw herself at me.’

It was decided. I hated her.

‘I pushed her off, told her nothing could happen between us and I thought it was best she leave, but she broke down crying and I felt like a bastard. I couldn’t just throw her out.’

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. ‘She’s still in love with you?’

‘She doesn’t know me,’ he answered, sounding irritated.

‘I’ll take that as a yes.’

‘We sat talking for ages, going around in circles until she started to sober up. She asked to use my shower and crash for the night. By then we were on the same page and I felt bad for her, so I said yes.’

It took me a moment but I asked, ‘Same page?’

Cam shifted away from me tentatively, and only so he could look me in the eye. His haggard face was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and the ache in my chest intensified for him. I lifted my gaze from the soft, sexy curl of his upper lip to his eyes and my breath caught at his expression.

It was vulnerable and raw and open …

He was naked and bleeding for me.

‘I told her something I should have told you ages ago.’ He cupped a large hand around my neck, drawing me closer. ‘I’ve never met anyone as quietly brave and strong as you. I’ve never met a woman so unassuming, so kind and so selfless. You are a complex lady.’ His mouth curled up at the corners. ‘And you are smart, and passionate, and funny, and exciting, and you blow me fucking away. When I first saw you, I wanted you like I’d never wanted anyone. When you first tore me a new one, I wanted to know you. And when I got to know you, when I stood across a kitchen and you told me not to kill a spider because it didn’t say much for us as a species if we killed something because we feared it, I knew. I knew that I would never meet anyone as beautiful or as compassionate or as determined. I’ve known for a while that I was in love with you, Jo. I’ve known and I should have told you.’

Tears streamed down my cheeks and Cam’s thumb did its best to catch them all. My chin trembled as I asked, ‘Why didn’t you?’

He quirked an eyebrow at me. ‘Maybe for the same reason you didn’t tell me.’ He leaned in to place a very careful but sweet kiss on my mouth. When he pulled back he continued. ‘Last week, the Saturday we met Blair and I went quiet on you?’

‘Yeah?’

‘It wasn’t about Blair, baby. It was about you. About us.’

‘I don’t understand.’

Cam’s hand slipped down my arm, his knuckles caressing my skin in soothing strokes. ‘When we bumped into Blair, it was a shock and it was strange. When she and I dated I thought I was in love with her. We were together three years and I didn’t take it well when it ended. But standing there, looking at her, I didn’t feel anything but a distant familiarity. There was no hurt or love or anything but a friendly gladness to see her.’ His eyes darkened. ‘As we were standing there I got stuck in this thought … the thought of me walking down Princes Street ten years in the future with some faceless woman on my arm, and bumping into you when you weren’t mine any more. Because everyone leaves eventually, I thought.’ He huffed in what seemed like pain and his grip on me tightened. ‘It winded me. No, it floored me. I think I’ve been in love with you since that moment in the kitchen, but last Saturday was the first time I realized how crazy I was about you. What I feel for you …’ Cam sucked in a breath and I found myself reaching a hand up to his face, my heart pounding as I watched this man – this strong, irreverent man – overcome with emotion … emotion for me. ‘It’s all-consuming,’ he breathed, leaning his forehead against mine again. ‘It’s almost debilitating. It’s too much. It’s … I can’t even describe it, but being with you is … there’s this intensity inside me all the time, this … constant pull, desperation … it’s like you’re branded on me or something. And it bloody well burns.’

‘I know,’ I whispered soothingly, my tears falling faster. ‘I know. I feel it, too.’

‘You never told me that, though,’ he answered a little harshly. ‘You always kept something of yourself hidden from me, and I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell if you felt the same way. That’s why I got drunk on Saturday night. That’s why Nate came around the next morning to talk to me. He convinced me you felt the same way.’

‘How did he do that?’

‘I asked for his opinion about you and he said, “You’ve nothing to worry about, mate. That girl thinks you’re ‘it’ and I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t think it.” ’

I suddenly remembered Cam’s attitude once Nate had left. It was like someone had flipped a switch inside him. Gone was the quiet, subdued, moody man from the night before. In his place had been a seducer. The rough sex against his desk … I remember thinking at the time that it had felt like a claiming. Now I didn’t think I’d been too far off the mark.

Relief, intense relief, washed through me and I rested my head against his warm chest. ‘You told Blair this?’ I murmured against his skin.

‘I told her I was in love with you and that I didn’t think it was a good idea to renew our friendship.’

Another tear fell, splashing his skin.

‘I hope those are happy tears.’

I sobbed now, the well of emotion inside me too much to contain after everything I’d been through. ‘I love you,’ I cried, holding him tighter. ‘So much I want to kill you sometimes.’ I hiccupped attractively.

Cam laughed softly. ‘The feeling is definitely mutual, baby.’

‘So what now?’ I sniffled.

‘Now? I endure the agonizing wait for those ribs to heal up so I can have my wicked way with you and show you just how much I fucking love you.’

I grinned through my tears. ‘I feel your pain.’

Cam grunted in response.

We lay there in silence for a moment and then I pulled back to look up into his gorgeous face. ‘I think I have to leave Mum, Cam. I don’t know how I’m going to bring myself to do it.’

Another soft kiss grazed my lips and I tugged him back to me, ignoring the pain so I could kiss him, long, hard and deep. We finally broke apart, panting.

God damn these stupid ribs.

‘We’ll worry about all that later,’ Cam said. ‘For now, let’s just get you on the mend.’

‘Can I tell you I love you again?’

He nodded slowly, his expression earnest. ‘I’ll never get tired of hearing it.’

31

‘So any word from the mysterious Marco?’ I asked Hannah, leaning against her bedroom wall, watching as she taped a poster of the lead singer of one of the biggest indie rock bands in the world to her wall. My girl had good taste.

Hannah blew air out between her lips, stepping back from the wall to analyse the poster. ‘I’m helping him with a paper for school, so I’ve seen him quite a bit.’

‘I detect from the tone that nothing of import has happened?’

She looked at me over her shoulder. ‘I think there might be some sexual tension between us.’