Seduction and Snacks, стр. 57

Green clovers, yellow horseshoes, pink penises!

I giggled a little when I thought that. I was giggling with Carter’s penis in my mouth. Thank God he was still sleeping. I don't think laughing at a man's penis would make him feel good.

I sucked harder on him and took him as far into my mouth as I could without gagging. Throwing up on his penis wouldn't be a good introduction into the world of blow jobs.

He was big and full in my mouth and I seriously couldn't believe this was happening right now and no one was witnessing it. I, Claire Morgan, had a penis in my mouth. There should be applause or pats on the back. Maybe I should have waited until Carter was awake for this. I bet he'd give me one of those slow golf claps like in the movies. Or at least say "way to go".

I slowly moved up and down his length, letting my wet lips glide over his smooth skin.

Carter’s hips jerked forward a little and he moaned again, making me completely giddy with power. Until I made one more pass up his length with my Hoover Mouth (Yes, I was changing its name to that of a vacuum cleaner. Don't judge me.) and I glanced up to see his eyes jerk open and his body completely freeze.

My lips were fastened around the head of his penis when he let out a yell.

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY WIENER! IT HAPPENS TO EVERY GUY!"

His legs jerked out from under me, sending me sprawling backwards to the foot of the bed while I watched him scramble up to the headboard, covering the part of his penis sticking out of his underwear with both of his hands.

"Where's Gavin?" he asked, his eyes frantically searching around the room. “He doesn’t have a vagina.”

I lay there on my back at the end of the bed, propped up on my elbows, wondering what the fuck just happened.

"Um, I'm assuming he's still sleeping. And I'm guessing you are too," I replied.

“Where’s the farmer with the muffins?”

I extended one of my legs and shoved his thigh with my foot.

"CARTER!" I yelled. "Wake up!"

He finally looked at me then, his face scrunched up in confusion. He blinked rapidly and shook his head quickly like he was trying to jar things into place.

"I had another dream that you were giving me a blow job, just like the other morning when Gavin was in the living room watching me sleep. Damn, this one seemed so fucking real," he muttered.

I had no idea what he was talking about right now.

His eyes still glanced worriedly around the room like he expected Gavin to jump out from under the bed or something and shout, "Surprise! I saw Mommy blowing you!"

He looked back at me again. "Why are you laying at the bottom of the bed?"

I sighed and then pushed myself up so I could move back to the top of the bed next to him. When I got up there, I leaned my back against the headboard and glanced down at his lap - where his hands were still crisscrossed over his penis that stuck out of the top of his underwear. He followed my line of sight, moved his hands quickly and yanked his underwear up to cover himself.

What a shame.

"Well, Carter, this time you weren't dreaming. My mouth was on your penis when you decided to start flailing about, yelling about your wiener and our son with a vagina."

The look on his face would have been hilarious if my mouth wasn't depressed from the loss of his penis in there. His penis should be allowed to have the Twizzler slogan, "Makes mouth happy."

"Oh my God. Tell me I didn't interrupt a blow job wake-up call. Say it isn't so and we can pretend I didn't just kick you off of my dick. I don't think my ego will recover from something like that."

I reached up and patted his cheek.

"Sorry, sweets, my mouth and lips were in fact all over your penis while you slept," I whispered.

He groaned.

"I have to say though, I'm a little surprised I never knew blow jobs included donkey kicks to the sternum."

He groaned again but this time in irritation.

"Shit! It's not my fault. Whenever I'm around you, even if I'm unconscious, my dick gets hard and I have dirty dreams about you. I thought I was having a repeat of the other morning and I freaked out."

He looked at me and pouted his lips.

"Pretty please, do it again?" he begged.

I laughed at how much he sounded like a child right now.

The door to the bedroom suddenly burst open and Gavin flew in the room, scrambled up onto the bed and in between the two of us.

"Morning, Mommy," Gavin said as he snuggled into my side.

Carter sighed, knowing there was no use in begging any more. He smiled though and watched me wrap Gavin in my arms and slide down the headboard to get under the covers.

Once we were situated, Gavin looked over his shoulder at Carter.

"Morning, crabby-daddy," he said, before turning back to face me and play with my hair.

I laughed at that one. Carter did look a little crabby.

He just shook his head and laughed right along with me.

Gavin's hand cupped my cheek and he looked seriously into my eyes.

"Hey, Mom," he said.

I squeezed him tighter and smiled.

"Yeah, baby."

"Lemme see your boobs," he said.

19. This Patient Needs an Enema, STAT

Her mouth was on my penis.

We were sitting on the couch after lunch and all I could do was stare at Claire’s mouth over top of Gavin's head.

This is wrong on so many levels.

But Jesus fuck, those red, plump lips were wrapped around my penis and I kicked her away. Sure, it was unconsciously but still... I punted her like a football off of my dick. That was like rule number one in sex. Never kick a girl away from your dick if she's got her mouth there. If her teeth were clamped down on it and she's whipping it around like a chew toy, that's another story.

I let out a big sigh and turned my attention back to the movie.

"What is this one called again?" I asked.

Gavin was curled up into my side with his feet on Claire’s lap.

"Finding Nemo," Gavin mumbled.

We watched the movie in silence for a few minutes and I felt like a kid again as I enjoyed the happenings on the screen. It had been a long while since I watched a cartoon.

"Holy shit, did they just kill off that fish's wife?" I blurted in shock.

"Yep," Gavin replied. "That big, mean fish ated her."

He said it so calmly - like it was no big deal that a sweet, loving cartoon fish just got murdered. What the fuck was wrong with this movie? This couldn't be appropriate for kids. I didn't think it was appropriate for me.

"Are you sure this is a kid's movie?" I asked Claire.

She laughed and just shook her head at me.

An hour later Gavin was asleep with his head on my lap and Claire was leaning in the opposite direction from me, her elbow on the arm of the couch and her head in her hand.

If I had to listen to Nemo calling for "Daddy" one more time, I was going to blubber like a baby. I snatched up the remote and turned the movie off.

Claire lifted her head off of her hand and gave me a questioning look.

"We need to put another movie in. This is too depressing. They killed off the poor fish's wife in the first five minutes and then we have to spend the rest of the movie watching that same, poor sap search for his son who ran away. What kind of sick fucks made this into a kid's movie?" I whispered angrily, trying not to wake Gavin up.

"Welcome to the Disney/Pixar School of Hard Knocks," she said dryly.

I laughed at her comparison.

"Oh come on. There's no way they're all like this. I do not remember being horrified by a children's movie when I was little."