Arsen: a broken love story, стр. 33

“That’s perfect. I was about to give you a call to let you know that I wasn’t going to make it. Micky needs me to go over some files with him. Raincheck, wife?”

“Oh, yes. That’s great. I don’t feel so bad anymore.” And I don’t. “I thought you were going to get stuck eating by yourself.”

“I planned on having my wife for lunch, but…”

“Ben!” I exclaim.

Ben chuckles. “It’s alright, babe. Kerry is bringing us lunch.”

“Is she the new intern you always talk about?” I ask.

I’m curious because about two weeks ago when I met Ben at his office, I saw a beautiful auburn haired girl talking to him, and the way she was looking at him implied deep admiration. I kind of got the feeling that she had a crush on him.

“Yes. Graduated from Columbia Law as well. I like her. She’s a nice girl and learns fast. Anyway, how about I take you to our Thai place for dinner to make it up to you?”

“Sure.”

“Oh, before I forget. I heard from Julian.”

“That’s lovely! How is he doing? Is LA treating him well?”

“He told me he met someone and—”

“Are you ready to go?” I hear Arsen ask.

I look up from my desk to see Arsen standing in front of me without his suit jacket, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up at the elbows. His blond hair, a mess, is pointing in all directions. It looks like he’s been tugging it.

“Who is that?” Ben asks on the other line.

“Oh, that’s Arsen, Bruno’s son. He’s here to let me know that the meeting is about to begin. I-I’ve got to go.” The lie rolls off my tongue.

“I’ve got to go as well. I’ll see you later.”

“Wait!” I say, stopping Ben from hanging up. I turn to look at Arsen as he slowly lifts the frame with my wedding picture in it and holds it in his hand, an indecipherable air surrounding him as he examines the picture.

“Yes?” Ben asks.

I want to tell him that there’s no lunch meeting, but I don’t. “I love you.”

“I love you too, babe. Always.”

After I hang up, I watch Arsen tracing the photograph with his thumb.

“Please tell me this isn’t your husband. You’re too beautiful for him,” Arsen says as he puts the picture back on my desk.

Dismissing his commentary as a joke, I ask, “So where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise. I told Amy that we need the whole afternoon off, though.”

“What? No! I have so much work to do.”

“It’s fine. I kinda told her you had an appointment with your doctor and that I was going to take you there.”

“Arsen! Those are more lies!”

“Chill. It’ll be fun. It’s just one afternoon. It won’t kill anyone.”

“What am I going to tell Ben?”

“He doesn’t have to know. And what the fuck? I’m just taking you out to eat. You can go home after we’re done. No harm done.”

“Yes, I guess you’re right.”

And really, what’s the harm in it?

“Your apartment is empty, Arsen. Do you ever do anything else other than sleep in here?” I say as I sit down in his black leather couch.

At first, when I found out he was bringing me back to his place, I was uncomfortable with the idea. But upon closer examination, I didn’t think this

was any different from spending time with him alone in his apartment than in my office after everyone had already left for the day while we worked on projects. And it wasn’t like he was some random stranger. He was Arsen. My friend. And I needed to talk to him before this fear made me lose my mind completely.

“Nah, no point.” Since he has forbidden me to go to the kitchen with him and watch him cook, I wait in his living room. He wants it to be a surprise.

“Hey, are you still seeing Melissa Stewart?”

He laughs. “Yes and no. We’re fucking, but I’m not sure about how serious she is, though. I kinda get the feeling that she’s cheating on me.”

“Arsen, you’re cheating on her too. I saw that beautiful brunette come and meet you after work yesterday.” Seriously. I think I’ve seen more girls parade through our lobby since Arsen began working there than ever before.

“Melissa can be cool sometimes. She knows she’s gorgeous and,” he opens the oven door and inserts the surprise meal, “In all honesty, she could probably do much better than me.”

“I don’t think so,” I say, offended for Arsen. “I think you could be a great catch if you decided to settle on someone.”

Quiet for a second, Arsen grabs a bottled water and a beer, then makes his way to the couch. After handing me the drink, he watches me carefully. “I was serious about someone a long time ago. It didn’t work out.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Her name was Jessica. I thought she was the love of my life.”

“What happened?”

“Real life happened,” Arsen shrugs, taking a swig of his beer.

“What do you mean?” I ask as I play with the cool plastic in my hands.

“She died.” A shadow crosses his eyes, and for a moment he looks lost and sad. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like that.

“I’m so sorry…”

“It’s cool. Let’s not talk about it anymore, okay?” he asks dismissively.

“Okay.”

“So, tell me, what was that back at the office? You seriously threw some crazy mixed signals. One moment you were laughing and talking about the baby, and the next you turned into this cold person. Not my Dimples.”

I want to say that I’m not his Dimples, but I let it go.

“It’s just…the first trimester is almost over, and that’s when bad things happen.” I open the bottle and take a small sip of water. “It’s just too much. Sometimes I get these panic attacks. That’s what you saw today.”

“Jesus.” Arsen puts the beer bottle on his coffee table and sits next to me. “Listen, Dimples…I’ve been through hell and back. I know what it’s like to lose what you love the most, but life goes on, and you must not lose hope, you know? Without hope, living can become a fucking nightmare. So, be positive that this pregnancy will work out. And if it doesn’t, well, maybe it wasn’t supposed to be.”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m not meant to be a mother?” I ask hurt.

“Fuck, no. You deserve the same kind of happiness as every woman. But what I’m trying to say is that life has a way to sort itself out. Just have faith.”

Sighing, I rest my head on his shoulder. Suddenly I’m so tired. “It’s more easily said than done, Arsen. It’s just so hard. And…I’m not—”

“Yes?” Arsen prompts me.

“I’m not sure my marriage can handle anything going wrong. It’s been very tough on us. I can’t talk to Ben about it because he just dismisses it and,” I pause when I feel his arm wrap around my own shoulders, “sometimes it’s just hard.”

Arsen leans down and rests his head on top of mine. I want to move away, but I’m too tired and I like his warmth. It’s comforting.

“Go on. I’m listening.”

I sigh. “It’s been better between us, don’t get me wrong, but I’m just worried about the baby. It’s overwhelming not being able to be at peace. To be constantly worrying.” I rub my hands on my skirt. “I have nightmares that I lose the baby and I wake up crying in the middle of the night.”

“Ben doesn’t wake up?” Arsen sounds angry.

“No. I mean, he could, but I usually just go to the bathroom and shut myself inside until I’ve calmed down.”

“Fuck, Catherine, that’s bullshit. You should tell Ben. You shouldn’t suffer in silence like that. It can’t be good for the baby or you.”

“No, it’s okay. And I would rather not bother Ben. I’ve tried talking to him before, but he thinks I’m being too negative, so I just don’t talk to him about it anymore.”

“That’s fucking stupid.”

“Hey, don’t be angry. I’m seriously okay. Besides, it’s my fault if Ben doesn’t know what’s going on with me. I don’t tell him anything. I’ve learned to hide it.”

“I don’t give a shit about that. I’m just your co-worker, your friend, and I knew something was up. He’s your husband. He should be able to tell.”