Pulse, стр. 36

So turned on, Emily drew in a breath, overwhelmed by the sensations. “Please don’t stop rubbing me.” She whispered the plea, bringing her arms up and entangling her fingers in his hair. God. Between his mouth closing over her shoulder, his hand playing with her breast, and the other tripping over her clit, Emily was close to done for. Licking her lips, she whimpered. “Please, Gavin.”

Unrelenting, unforgiving, and unstopping, Gavin bucked his hips, filling Emily completely. No longer breathing, thinking, or worried about who might be watching, painful pleasure shot through her body. It exploded, unfurling a release so intense, so deep, and wicked in its potency, she thought she was going to lose her mind. She cried out his name, her voice louder than expected, but she couldn’t help it. It was pure fucking bliss. He was pure fucking bliss.

Spasms tore through every one of her muscles as Gavin slid his hand over her mouth. He held it there as she felt his orgasm hit, felt his hot, silky semen spilling into her. His body tightened, shuddering violently beneath hers, his breathing coming rough and fast against her ear. With shockwaves still possessing her and her body limp like a wet rag, lost in a haze of passion, Emily’s breathing started to slow. She turned her head to the side, catching Gavin’s mouth with hers. For a long moment, he kissed her deep and hard as he groaned, palming her breasts.

Spent and completely sated, Gavin reached for the blanket and covered Emily’s naked body. Moving her long, damp hair away from her bare shoulders, he feathered his lips along her neck. “I love you, Emily, and I need you to know there’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be than here with you.”

Turning, Emily stared into his eyes. They held so much passion and dedication, her heart swelled. With an intensity bordering obsession, she kissed him, thankful their roads had crossed paths once again. She drew strength from him she never knew she possessed. She blossomed when he was near. Holding her life in his hands, he was nothing short of carbon to a flame within her, waiting to ignite. Slowly breaking the kiss, Emily turned back around, taking in the heat of Gavin’s strong arms wrapped around her stomach. Her gaze fell from the clear sky blooming with stars to the dark waves, dappled silver by the light of the moon. Emily released a satisfied sigh, her soul warm with a love she was certain she’d never find with anyone else. She knew tomorrow would be hard, but somehow, she also knew this might be one of the sweetest Christmases she would ever have. As Gavin pulled her closer, she was pretty sure she was correct.

Emily awoke when the bright sun coming in through the blinds hit her face, its warmth not so welcomed considering she and Gavin had stayed up into the late hours of the night. Pillowed against his chest, his peaceful breathing in her ear calmed her. But that only lasted so long. Emily’s thoughts struck, just as unwelcome as the early morning wake up. Flashes of last Christmas hit, a day spent in the hospital next to her dying mother, nearly yanking the air from her lungs. Dillon was also there in her mind, further souring her stomach.

Lifting her head, she glanced at Gavin’s beautiful face, beyond grateful for him. Though she was happier than she could ever remember, her mood shifted as emptiness anchored deep in her gut. She didn’t want to look back, but ghosts from her past wouldn’t allow her to move forward. Her ache for her mother hovered like a dark storm, bringing a cloud of sadness.

Trying to escape the despair taking hold, Emily slipped from the bed. The yearning for her mother followed her with each quiet step she took across the cold wood floor. She shivered as she reached for the door handle, careful not to wake Gavin as she opened and closed it. Being it was just shy of a quarter to eight, the house wasn’t alive yet. Void of any sound and clear of any movement, Emily was alone in her thoughts.

On a sigh, she moved toward the Christmas tree. Her gaze fell upon several ornaments she and Lisa had made for their mother when they were little girls—paper angels glued to clothespins and silver, red, and gold glittered reindeer highlighting each of their names tossed themselves into her memory. Emily ran her fingertips across the fading reminders of the past as tears gathered in her eyes. She swallowed, her body instantly shaken, her heart instantly crushed. Had she already been without the only parent she’d ever known for close to a year? The same parent who’d brought her love and insanity in equal parts? Her mother’s voice danced in her ears as she tried to compose herself.

Emily didn’t hear Gavin come into the room, but she didn’t need to. His soothing presence blanketed the air. He wrapped his arms around her from behind as she wiped away an errant tear slipping down her cheek. Still staring at the ornaments, she shook her head and sucked in a deep breath. “How do I let her go?”

Gavin placed a soft kiss on the crown of her head, and without saying a word, he gently reached for Emily’s hand and led her back to the bedroom. Confusion dripped into her mind as she watched him haul his luggage onto the bed. After unzipping it and pulling out a small black velvet box, he sat on the bed, motioning Emily toward him. When she approached, he stared at her, his eyes soft with concern. Once again, he reached for her hand and guided her onto his lap. With her back against his bare chest, he moved her hair away from her shoulders.

“You don’t let her go, baby,” he whispered as he clasped a diamond-studded, platinum oval locket around her neck. “You hold onto her with everything you have. You carry her with you through every joyous moment in your beautiful future. Your accomplishments. Seeing your children’s eyes for the first time. Your life in general. You shoot for the stars with her in mind. She’ll be there, watching. You forgive her for the mistakes she made while you were growing up, and during the bad times you have to face, you lean on whatever words of wisdom she gave you. But you never let her go. Ever. She wouldn’t want you to let her go.”

Opening the locket, Emily’s breath caught. Her eyes swept over a picture of her mother as a teenager. With the sun shining against her dark hair and her smile highlighting the warm, carefree glow found only in one’s youth in her eyes, Emily couldn’t help but think it was the happiest she’d ever seen her mother. Emily sniffled and more tears fell. However, these tears were delivered by a man who couldn’t even begin to understand the empty space in her heart he’d filled so many times.

Turning, Emily straddled his waist and stared into Gavin’s eyes. The emotions swirling behind them riveted her. She was in awe he was hers. “My God, are you even real?” she whispered.

Holding her gaze, a sad smile lifted his mouth. “I think I am.”

“You make me feel like I’m in a dream,” Emily confessed, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Like I’m sleepwalking and I don’t even know it.” Continuing to take in the pure, honest, unselfish man in front of her, Emily lost herself in the fact he was real. “I’m able to close my eyes and just… trust you. You’re the color on my blank canvas, the light in my dark, the air in my lungs, and I almost let you go. I almost erased us from ever happening. I can’t imagine not having you here with me. Please tell me you know how much I love you, Gavin. I need to hear it right now. Please.”

Gavin swallowed, his senses reeling. She owned him, mind, body, and soul. Words. God, he didn’t have enough words to let her know how much he knew she loved him. Even if he did, how could he ever begin to let her know how much he knew she’d risked changing her life for him? Words weren’t meant for this moment and Gavin knew it. He brought his lips to hers, kissing her softly. He kissed her the way she should’ve been kissed the first time a man was ever allowed to feel her body. He kissed her hoping he could banish every headstone of grief that’d taken up an ounce of space in her heart. Wanting to wipe away every sick moment and twisted memory her eyes ever witnessed, he held her closer, trying to shield her from the demons he knew she was battling.