Wait for You, стр. 43

On the way out, I spotted Ollie heading into the pizza joint at the end of the strip mall. We were less than a mile from the apartments, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him there, but I stopped in the middle of the parking lot, my heart pounding. He didn’t look over my way, probably didn’t even see me, but I saw him and I thought of that stupid tortoise.

A lump appeared in my throat and I inhaled sharply. Tears burned the back of my eyes as I forced myself to the back of my car. I unloaded the groceries, focusing on the mundane task until I felt the messy ball of emotion slid back down.

The inevitable happened as I lugged up the last of my groceries.

I heard Cam’s door open and I knew it couldn’t be Ollie. My heart stuttered and I tried to get the door open and get the groceries in before he saw me, except that wasn’t possible. Dismissing the idiotic idea of leaving the groceries in the hall, I bent over, grabbing as many bags as possible.

“Avery.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I froze, three bags of groceries dangling precariously from my aching fingers. My throat closed up as I felt him come closer. It was as if my body was aware of him on some kind of subconscious level.

“Let me help you.”

His deep voice wove its way through my chest, working a shiver from me. I opened my eyes, but kept my gaze glued to what I could see of my apartment. “I got it.”

“Doesn’t look that way,” he replied. “Your fingers are turning purple.”

They were. “It’s fine.” I started into my apartment, but Cam moved quickly. He slid around me and all I saw was his midsection. Thank God he was wearing a sweater. His hand came into view and he extracted the bags from my fingers, brushing over mine in the process. I jerked back, causing one of the bags to hit the floor. “Shit.”

I stooped down, grabbing my hair conditioner before it rolled down the steps. Cam knelt, picking up the rest of my spilled items. In his hands were my shampoo, toothpaste, and tampons. Nice. Cursing under my breath, I forced my gaze up.

Cam’s jaw was clamped shut, and I had to look away quickly, because seeing him wasn’t good.

“If you laugh, I will punch you in the stomach,” I said, grabbing the rest of the groceries.

“I wouldn’t dare think of laughing.” A hint of amusement filled his tone.

He followed me into my apartment, moving past me and putting the bags on the counter. I did the same, my heart pumping with him in my kitchen. “You didn’t have to help, but thank you,” I said, hands shaking as I pulled the milk out of one of the bags. He was still in the kitchen, standing in front of the door. “I really need to—”

“Do you really think you’re going to get rid of me that easily now that I’m in here?” he asked.

I shoved the milk into the fridge and went to the frozen stuff. “I could only hope.”

“Ha. Funny. We need to talk.”

Stacking the frozen dinners into a pile, I carried them to the freezer. “We don’t need to talk.”

“Yes, we do.”

“No, we don’t. And I’m busy. As you can see, I have groceries to put away and I—”

“Okay, I can help.” Cam strolled forward, heading to the counter. “And we can talk while I help you.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Yeah, I think you kind of do.”

I whipped around, leaving the freezer door open. Cold air blew across the back of my neck, but I barely felt it over the panic and anger of having to face him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It doesn’t mean what you think it does, Avery. Jesus.” He thrust a hand through his messy hair. “All I want to do is talk to you. That’s all I’ve been trying to do.”

“Obviously I don’t want to talk to you.” I stormed over to the counter, swiping the pack of hamburger meat off the counter. Tossing it into the freezer, I slammed the door shut. Several items rattled inside and on top of the fridge. “And you’re still here.”

Cam took a deep breath as the muscle along his jaw started thrumming. “Look, I get that you’re not happy with me, but you have to fill me in on what I did to piss you off so badly that you weren’t talk to me or even—”

“You didn’t do anything, Cam! I just don’t want to talk to you.” Pivoting on my heel, I left the kitchen and headed for the front door. “Okay?”

“No, it’s not okay.” He followed me into the living room, but stopped behind the couch. “This is not how people act, Avery. They don’t just up and drop a person or hide from them.  If there’s—”

“You want to know how people don’t act?” Stung by the truth in his words, I lashed out. “People also don’t constantly call and harass people who obviously don’t want to see them! How about that?”

“Harass you? Is that what I’ve been doing?” Cam let out a laugh, but it came out harsh. “Are you fucking kidding me? Me being concerned about you is harassing?”

I opened my mouth, but that messy ball had returned, almost strangling me. “I shouldn’t have said that. You’re not harassing me. I just…” I trailed off, running both my hands through my hair. “I don’t know.”

Cam’s lips thinned as he stared at me. He shook his head. “This is about what I saw, isn’t it?” He gestured at my arm, and I tensed. “Avery, you can—”

“No,” I said, holding my hand. “It’s not about that. It’s not about anything. I just don’t want to do this.”

“Do what?”

“This!” I closed my eyes briefly, dragging in a deep breath. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Good God, woman, all I’m trying to do is talk to you!”

His words tugged at my heart, but I shook my head as I met his gaze. “There’s nothing to talk about, Cam.”

 “Avery, come on…” Cam sucked in his bottom lip, drawing my attention like he’d dangled a cheeseburger in the face of a starving frat boy. “Okay, you know what? I’m not going to rake myself over fucking hot coals for this. Fuck it.”

I flinched as I took a step to the side. Totally deserved that, but it hurt—it sliced deep.

He brushed past me, reaching the door. “Look, I’m heading home for winter break. I’ll be back and forth, so if you need anything…” He laughed again, the sound humorless as he thrust his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, you don’t need anything.”

An ache poured into my chest as I watched him pull open the door. Cam made it out into the hallway and then he turned around. “You’re staying here, all break by yourself, aren’t you? Even Christmas?”

Silent, I folded my arms across my chest.

He looked away, jaw clenching. “Whatever. Have a good Christmas, Avery.”

Cam stalked toward his apartment and I expected to hear the door slam, but didn’t and somehow that was much worse. I closed my door, my eyes already blurry. This was the right thing to happen. I kept telling myself as I backed up from the door. Brit had been wrong. There wasn’t anything to work out or fix. It was better this way. It had to be.

Except it didn’t feel that way at all.

Chapter 21

Two things happened on Christmas Day. My father texted me to wish me a “Merry Xmas.” Xmas. Couldn’t even type out Christmas. So personal. Love you too, Dad.

And it snowed that evening.

I hadn’t ever seen it snow on Christmas.

Caving into the tiny trill of excitement, I pulled on my jacket and a pair of thick boots and then slipped out of my apartment. Even though I knew no one was home in their apartment, not even Ollie, I glanced at their door as I reached the stairs. I wondered who was taking care of Raphael.

A heavy feeling settled in my chest as I forced myself down the steps and out from under the awning of the apartment building. Strings of multi-colored lights hung from the windows of some of the apartments. Christmas tree lights shone from others. I hadn’t put up any decorations. Didn’t seem like it made sense to go through all of that, but I had ordered myself a Christmas present.

A new messenger bag—distressed leather. A new bag for a new semester.