Raw, стр. 65
And I love him again. The rat bastard.
Playing with my teacup, I avoid their eyes. “I wanted to tell you guys first. I don’t know how this is going to go, but I have faith. He hasn’t told me he loves me yet…” I look up at them both, determination in my eyes. I whisper, “…but I feel it. I know he loves me. It’s almost like he’s afraid to say it. As if it’ll mean he’s weak or something.”
Nikki nods. “Loving someone is a weakness, Lex. You’re handing your heart up on a silver platter for someone to use as they please. You have to have a lot of faith in that person to do that.” She sighs, “You haven’t told us anything about the drug dealing accusations being thrown around, and by you not telling us it’s preposterous, it’s a thing. A real deal kind of thing. So instead of lecturing you, I’ll say this. Someone like Twitch declaring his love for someone is totally a weakness.”
My heart stutters.
They know.
Nikki goes on. “You think on it. Someone who’s got issues with Twitch suddenly has issues with you. It doesn’t have to be personal.” My eyes widen. She’s right. She leans forward and whispers, “Someone who’s got issues with Twitch…” she pauses, “…has issues with your child.”
Nope. I did not think of that.
My heart races.
Dave remains tight-lipped but I can see he wants to say something. I ask, “You got something to add?”
He whooshes out in a rush, “Oh, thank you!” Clearing his throat, he utters, “If you’re serious about this guy, you got to be prepared for what comes with a man in his lifestyle.” He says everything I’m happily blocking out. “Drugs, misery, addiction, women.” He looks at me apologetically. “A man like Twitch doesn’t lock himself down to one woman, baby. I’m sorry, but they don’t.”
Tapping the edge of my teacup with my fingernail, I take in the sudden silence with thanks.
I have a lot to think about.
I stare hard at the photo in my shaking hand.
Rage coils low in my gut.
Michael’s limp body in Happy’s arms as Happy tries to escape the carnage that is the ambush.
Turning the photo over, I read.
Everyone you love will die.
Pressure builds in my head as I read the next sentence.
She’s next.
Blood roars in my ears.
As soon as I saw the handwriting, I knew who this came from.
A Persian with one eye just summoned himself a death wish.
Which leaves me with one choice.
It’s time for Lexi to hurt.
Standing before the gorgeous carved mahogany that is Twitch’s office doors, I hesitate to knock.
Swallowing hard, I turn my head to the left and spot Ling staring holes into my head.
God forbid the woman smile. I think her face would crack.
Turning to my right, I spot Happy sitting on the edge of a desk giving instructions to a male employee, his arm in a sling. He sees me and my heart stutters. His eyes meet mine and I see pain flash across his features. I know he feels responsible for what happened to Michael.
I’m not stupid. It wasn’t his fault. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to look at him. Alive and well.
My brows furrow.
What am I waiting for? I need to do this.
Placing my hand on the doorknob, I enter without knocking. I steel myself for this encounter, mentally giving myself a pep-talk. Twitch loves me, whether he’ll admit it or not. I know it.
He’s it for me.
I’ll never love someone the way I love him. My love for him is almost desperate.
Approaching his desk, I smile. “Hey baby, can we talk?”
Without looking up at me, he answers on a sigh, “Seriously, Lexi, I can’t just drop everything when you need to chat. We’ll talk later. You’re at my place tonight, by the way.”
My nose bunches.
What happened to I’ll make it better and I’m sorry? This isn’t the man I left in my bed this morning. Something isn’t right.
Shifting from foot-to-foot, I ask, “O-okay. You sure you don’t have time for a quick word?”
He lets out a harsh breath and stands. Looking at me through cold eyes, he utters, “Pretty fucking sure, Alexa. I don’t have time for your shit today.”
And those words hit me like a slap to the face.
I hate myself when I feel the bridge of my nose start to tingle. I’m not a weak person. I’m going to find out what’s happening here.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
Walking around his desk, he says frustrated, “Nothing. Nothing at all. I mean it when I say I don’t have time. And you’re pushing the issue when there shouldn’t be one.”
I return, “Something’s not right. I can hear it in your voice. Something’s changed.” Piling up all my courage, I ask, “Are you breaking up with me?”
He smirks cruelly, “In order to break up with you, we’d need to be a thing.”
A small piece of my heart breaks off and falls to the floor, shattering on impact.
Tears sting my eyes. “I don’t understand. I thought we—” Stepping back, I shrug.
Stopping directly in front of me, he booms, “Everything that’s wrong with my life is because of you!”
My body trembles in fear. My heart races.
I’m really very frightened right this second.
“What do you want to hear, Lexi?” He sneers, “That I fucking love you? That you mean…” Gritting his teeth, he pounds on his chest with a closed fist, “…everything to me?”
My head thumps softly. Through quivering lips, I whisper, “I just want to understand you.”
He barks a humorless laugh. “Good luck with that. I can’t even figure myself out.”
He starts pacing. His jaw tics. “You know what I can tell you about me? Honestly?”
Looking up at him through blurry eyes, I nod.
I’d kill to know anything about him.
Looking at me through a scowl, he hisses, “I am not a good guy. I can tell you that for sure.” My heart sinks. He adds, “Wanna know how I know?”
Holding back my sobs, I nod and as I do, and a tear falls down my cheek. He watches that tear closely and mutters, “You choose me, a lot more tears you’ll shed. I guarantee it.”
Lifting his arms, gesturing to everything around us, his office, he explains quietly, “All this, I did for you. And you didn’t even know me.”
Hope beams somewhere deep inside me. Twitch sees it and shakes his head. “This, what I’m telling you, is not good, Lexi. So listen up. I need you to know how fucked up I am. It’s time that you knew about me.”
Moving backwards to the front of his desk, he sits on it with a sigh, “Always knew I had to make something of myself, and I was no good at school, so I had to figure out another way.” His head falls forward a little. “That’s where the drugs came into it. So my plan was to work hard, earn a lot of money, and come back for you.”
I can’t help the stutter my heart gives out.
What he says next makes my chest cave in.
“I was going to trap you,” he whispers.
Taking a step back, I breathe in a shaky breath.
He watches my feet as I move away and says, “Good girl. Finally seeing some sense.”
He’s pushing me away. I don’t know why, but I intend to find out.