Flat-Out Love, стр. 28
-Finn
Clearly the Watkins household was falling apart in her absence.
Finn-
Ohio is… not that great actually. Family members are driving me crazy. Thanksgiving was a nightmare. I spent twenty minutes listening to my oldest cousin reenact some stand-up comedian’s routine from Comedy Central (not funny and poor delivery), tried to get my aunt interested in what I was reading in my Eng. Class (failure level=high), observed a paper turkey go up in flames (an appropriate holiday sign regarding good taste), and verbally abused my offensive uncle (well-deserved) in an explosive scene that will live on in memory for years to come.
Can’t wait to get back to Boston for a million reasons. Need to return to normal. Will assess damage to Flat Finn and berate Matt for his outburst.
How are the Cook Islands? The South Pacific must be amazing. Any chance you’re awake now? I need someone normal to chat with. I don’t know what time it is there…
-Julie
Two minutes later, she heard back.
Julie-
I’m up. I’m five hours earlier than you are. Turn on FB chat!
-Finn
Oh. By chat she hadn’t actually meant chat, as in instant message chat. She hadn’t felt like IMing with anyone in ages. Not only did she now feel so far removed from her old life, but also she loathed all the IM and texting abbreviations and acronyms. She was a snob like that and knew she fell into the minority of people her age. How was she supposed to know that DQMOT meant Don’t quote me on this? And that crap like CUL8ER? Blech. It was all so cutesy and corny. B4N? Seriously, just say goodbye like a normal person. OK, true she used the occasional LOL and WTF, but trying to translate an entire sentence that had been abbreviated into a few letters was more than she wanted to deal with. Julie suspected that billions of brain cells were being killed each hour as people shortened language into indecipherable code. As much as she loved technology, this sort of lingo was one of her top pet peeves. And now she was about to do it again with Finn. She’d probably have to pull up some online dictionary to translate this conversation, but she went on to Facebook’s chat anyway.
Julie Seagle
Hey!
Finn is God
Hey, back!
And then she panicked. Well, this had been a dumb idea. Why had she said chat? What was she supposed to say now? It’s not like she actually knew Finn, and here she’d gone ahead without thinking and agreed to this. And she couldn’t very well back out now.
Finn is God
I am concerned about that last email. You’re quantifying me as “normal”?
Julie Seagle
Only in comparison to my relatives.
Finn is God
Huge relief. Less pressure to behave now.
Julie Seagle
Go nuts. You can’t possibly be that bad.
Finn is God
Just wait…!
Julie Seagle
Very funny.
Julie tapped her foot during the seemingly endless four-minute pause. Topics, topics… What could they talk about? Ugh, this was a colossal mistake. He’d probably dozed off because she was so excruciatingly boring. Then finally Finn piped up.
Finn is God
What are you wearing?
Oh. My. God. This had now gone beyond colossal mistake to violently alarming. What the hell was she supposed to do now?
Finn is God
Julie? Relax. I’m kidding.
Julie laughed. Not only was he funny, but he wrote using actual whole words!
Julie Seagle
[Delete] [Delete] [Delete] Was just about to give you a full description of enticing bedroom attire.
Finn is God
Oh. NOT KIDDING! NOT KIDDING!
Finn is God
Fine. Kidding. Tell me more about Thanksgiving there. First time home should have been fun.
Julie Seagle
You would think. Big fight at the table. Didn’t help that I wouldn’t wear the pilgrim hat. More settled in Boston than I thought, and this whole trip just feels… disruptive.
Finn is God
More disruptive than living in my house? You’re clearly unbalanced.
Julie Seagle
Hey! I like your house. Your parents are great, Celeste is my buddy, and Matt has been really nice.
Julie Seagle
Even Flat Finn seems to have accepted me.
Finn is God
*sob* Fear real family has been abducted and replaced with well-behaved clones. Tragedy. Enjoy new clone mommy!
Julie Seagle
So sorry for your loss, but the difference between our moms? Your so-called clone mom hooked me up w/awesome Harvard intel, and my mom doubled the hay pile display out front.
Finn is God
Lucky girl. I’d take the hay and run.
Julie Seagle
Ha ha! Don’t be mean.
Finn is God
I’ll put it this way: Erin is not as perfect as you may think.
Julie Seagle
Does she make you wear holiday hats, too?
Finn is God
She takes a different strategy to torture us.
Julie Seagle
Really? I have more in common with her than my own mother.
Finn is God
That’s a horrible thing to say about yourself. Appearances are not everything. Case in point: One summer when I was at day camp, I made her an art project. She spent weeks saying how weird it was that I’d made her a woodcarving that said, “WOW.”
Julie Seagle
???
Julie Seagle
Oh, wait a minute…!
Finn is God
Yeah. She had it upside down. It was supposed to read, “MOM.”
Julie Seagle
I’m sorry, but that IS funny!
Finn is God
That’s my mother for you. I think she still has it. And is probably still under the wrong impression.
Julie Seagle
Oh, my. Sort of sweet in a tragic way.